Don't take your eye off the ball

MOSTLY because of the emergence and continued presence of one Tiger Woods over the past decade and a bit, the world of professional golf has never been richer. As the best player the world has yet seen has taken the game by the scruff of its often-pompous neck, the prize money and reflected glory available to those he laughingly calls his competition has soared. This past year, for example, someone called Ted Purdy earned over $750,000 on the PGA Tour… and lost his card.

So, materially at least, things have never been better for golf and golfers. Which is not to say that at least a few people out there aren't deserving of a wee present or two underneath the tree come Tuesday morning. Here are just some of the gifts that would improve the world of golf still further in 2008.

To the Royal & Ancient Golf Club and the United States Golf Association: A backbone

Over the past 15 years or so, golf at the very highest level has sadly become a less interesting spectacle. The world's leading players are, almost without exception, hitting the same shots time after tedious time. Gone are the likes of Lee Trevino and Seve Ballesteros, men who could conjure up subtle fades and draws rather than simply aim straight at distant flags.

Then there are the courses the biggest events are played on most weeks. Stretched almost beyond imagination, covered in more and more unimaginative rough and with pin positions cut ever closer to the edge of putting surfaces, the tracks played by the leading professionals encourage a crash-bang-wallop style of play that has all but lost almost every semblance of subtlety.

The root cause, of course, is the golf ball. It goes too far and it flies too straight, facts the R&A and the USGA are well aware of, but are loath to do anything about in case those big-bad manufacturers like Titleist and Callaway and their big-bad lawyers take them to court. The game's cowardly administrators have let us down. They have dropped the ball.

To Rory Sabbatini: A brain

A South African by birth, a Texan by inclination and a complete dope by almost every other measure, Sabbatini last week withdrew from the Tiger Woods-hosted Target Challenge in California 18 short of the required 72 holes. Complaining of shin splints, he then made off in a Buick-provided courtesy car, the $170,000 last place cheque presumably tucked snugly into his back pocket.

Later that day, a similar vehicle was found abandoned outside a lap-dancing bar near LAX airport. Just a coincidence, I'm sure.

To Colin Montgomerie: A youthful putting stroke

An almost inevitable consequence of playing professional golf over a prolonged period is a steady deterioration in performance on the greens. Increasingly frayed nerves can only take so many downhill left-to-right four-footers for par. Sadly, such a time seems to have arrived for Scotland's leading golfer, a pity exacerbated by the fact that his long-game has retained most of its long-held fluency.

At the age of 44, Monty still hits the ball like a 24-year old, albeit not quite as far. The problem is that, more and more often these days, he putts like a myopic 64-year old.

To Nick Faldo: A time machine

One into which the European Ryder Cup captain can place our man Monty, or, at least, his putting stroke. If only because the law of averages must eventually lead to a half-decent performance from the Americans in the biennial contest that will reconvene next September, Faldo is going to need his erstwhile partner somewhere close to the top of his increasingly elusive form.

To Donald Trump: A big hat for his big head of big hair

Hey, it gets windy up there north of Aberdeen. Big-time.

To the World Golf Hall of Fame: A globe

Perhaps the most curious aspect of this gaudy, Florida-based establishment is that it has two parts, one for American players and another for "international" stars.

Huh?

If America really does want to avoid easy accusations of insularity from those of us living in the real "world", things like this nonsense really must end.

To George O'Grady: More Henrik Stensons

Citing a desire to cut down on travel, the Dubai-based Swede has announced that he will not be a member of America's PGA Tour in 2008. Englishman Luke Donald, perhaps worried that a repeat of his mediocre 2007 form will see him struggling to make the Ryder Cup side, has also intimated that he will be spending more time on the European Tour next year. Whatever is behind what may or may not develop into something of a trend – a $10m event in Dubai perhaps? – this is good news for O'Grady and his Wentworth-based organisation.

To Tiger Woods: A Grand Slam

Golf already has the most famous sportsman on the planet in Woods, so it is entirely appropriate that the world's best player should provide the biggest sports story of the year in making off with his 14th, 15th, 16th and 17th major titles over the next 12 months. Really, who is going to stop him?

To Justin Rose: A hypnotist

Despite a stumbling victory in the Volvo Masters at Valderrama – he shot 40 on the back nine in the last round – the South African-born Englishman has a disturbing habit of starting fast and finishing slow in big events. Planting the suggestion that Sunday is actually Thursday would transform his fortunes and finally put an English media desperate for the likeable Rose to succeed out of its collective misery.

To the European Tour Golfer of the Year selection committee: A 2007 US Open DVD

While Padraig Harrington's Open Championship victory at Carnoustie was a memorable occasion for European golf, eight years on from Paul Lawrie's triumph at the same venue, it was not, it says here, the performance of the season by a European Tour member.

That honour must go to Angel Cabrera who saw off the world No.1, Tiger Woods, and the world No.3, Jim Furyk, under the sternest pressure down the stretch at Oakmont to win his first major title.

No one who saw it will ever forget the magnificent drive Cabrera struck down the middle of the elusive 18th fairway on what is surely America's toughest course.

Harrington's route to major victory was, in comparison, somewhat underwhelming. The Irishman had to chip and putt for a double bogey at the 72nd hole, then rely on some pretty woeful putting from Sergio Garcia.

In other words, the Argentine won his major by himself; the Irishman needed some help.

To Sergio Garcia: A new clothing contract and a new putter

In particular, that orange and red ensemble has to go. It just has to.

To Jose Maria Olazabal: Good health in 2008

It hasn't received much publicity over the past few months, but the two-time Masters champion has been suffering from a recurrence of the back problems that saw him miss almost a year of golf back in the mid-1990s. Hopefully, he will be back on tour soon. The game is much the richer for his dignified and thoughtful presence.