John Huggan: The Huggys 2008

IT'S awards time again as we dish out the alternative gongs for the best and the worst of the golfing year

TEAM OF THE YEAR

This is actually a bit of a misnomer. After winning the World Amateur Team Championship in Australia, the trio of Wallace Booth (whose wee sister Carly also deserves mention for becoming, at 15 years 11 months, the youngest GB&I Curtis Cup player), Callum Macaulay and Gavin Dear could perhaps be better titled the "team of the decade" or even "of the century", come to that. With an overpowering display in difficult and windswept conditions at Royal Adelaide, the Scots saw off the ultimately powder-puff challenge of a much-vaunted American side to clinch the Eisenhower Trophy for our very proud nation by as many as nine clear shots. Great stuff.

POINT-MISSERS OF THE YEAR

In the midst of their endless and oh-so tedious speculation regarding the state of the latest boo-boos on any/every Rangers/Celtic player's bodies, both Radio Scotland and their counterparts on the telly managed to miss the magnificent performance of our Eisenhower lads. Evening sports bulletins on both the wireless and the box failed to mention – almost half a day after the trophy had been won – that Scotland had just claimed a world championship in a sport that is hardly low-profile in our supposedly proud land. Pathetic.

Still, maybe the terrific tartan trio will rate a mention next July when Radio Scotland floods the airwaves with their annual fortnight-long foray into golf at the Scottish Open and The Open at Turnberry. One has to wonder – yet again – just who amongst their listeners wants no golf for 50 weeks of every year, then wall-to-wall golf for the other two. I mean, who are these people? Do they actually exist? Answers on a postcard please.

PLONKER OF THE YEAR

After two years away from the podium, step forward Steve Williams. Clearly panicking when he realised the proximity of these latest Huggy awards, the moronic New Zealander, caddie to Tiger Woods, just last week decided to label his boss's nearest US rival, Phil Mickelson, "a prick." Such crassness is nothing new for the brain-dead Kiwi, of course, but even his boss was embarrassed this time round. Then again, maybe Tiger was relieved, albeit temporarily, to replace the pain in his knee with one in his neck.

BEST PLAYER YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF

She won $1m in one event. She won the Women's British Open. She won in Japan. And she won eight times in her native South Korea. Yet it's a safe bet that even in Cheers the regulars wouldn't know her name. Step up Ji-Yai Shin, the next superstar on the LPGA Tour she will join full-time in 2009.

Possessed of a game and a swing that are relentless in their consistency, Shin is a cinch to top the LPGA money list next year, Lorena Ochoa or no Lorena Ochoa. For a circuit already grappling with the influx of so many Korean players, that is the bad news. The good news is that Shin does actually speak English.

BIGGEST DISASTER OF THE YEAR

For long enough the par-3 contest held at Augusta National on the eve of the Masters had been one of golf's bigger secrets. And it should have stayed that way. Televised for the first time in 2008, this supposedly fun competition turned into an unwatchable farce as many of the players employed their infant children as caddies. Somewhere, tournament founder Bobby Jones was reaching for a celestial bottle of Scotch, anything to make the pain go away.

My goodness, it was awful. What began as a great way to set the Masters week in motion degenerated into a pre-school coming out party, one the whole world was unfortunately privy to. Only one thing made sense: now we all know why virtually none of the main contenders for the green jacket can be bothered playing in this little bit of Georgian nonsense. Give the kids the hook.

DOPIEST DOPE TEST

Although the Huggy committee tends to share the widespread scepticism over Annika Sorenstam's supposed "retirement", asking the Swede to urinate into a cup in the immediate aftermath of what might be her last round on the LPGA Tour was hardly an appropriate send-off for a woman who for so long carried that often beleaguered circuit on her increasingly formidable shoulders.

Predictably, officials spouted pretentious nonsense about preserving the "integrity" of the system, but come on boys and girls, a wee bit of commonsense now and then wouldn't go amiss.

MOST EMOTIONAL WIN

Four years ago it looked as if he wasn't going to walk again, never mind play golf. Diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, Tony Johnstone was a man with only a bleak future. But, energised by his participation in an experimental treatment for that insidious disease, the 51-year-old Zimbabwean returned to competition on the European Seniors Tour. Not only that, he won. At the Jersey Seniors Open, the former PGA champion – and one of golf's funniest people – shot 213 over 54-holes at La Moye and beat Gordon J Brand by two shots. Afterwards, he shed a few tears – and he wasn't alone.

ALIVE AND KICKING AWARD FOR SELF-IMPORTANCE

As ever, avidly followed and unchallenged by his devoted band of media flunkies, Colin Montgomerie has single-handedly decided that the next three European Ryder Cup captains should be Sandy Lyle, Jose Maria Olazabal and, of course, himself. Just what the European Tour's Tournament Committee (of which Monty is a member) thinks of this is, apparently, irrelevant. The eight-time Order of Merit winner has come to the conclusion that his two main rivals for the job in 2014 – when the matches will, coincidentally, be held at Gleneagles, just down the road from the Monty mansion – should be conveniently out of the way before his self-anointed turn comes.

Hey, maybe he can't putt any more but no-one ever said our man doesn't have a good conceit of himself.

ALIVE AND KICKING AWARD FOR SELF-IMPORTANCE (2)

At the end of this year's Home International Championship at Muirfield, the weather was turning a bit nasty. So an official from the Scottish Golf Union approached the secretary of the Honourable Company of Edinburgh Golfers to request that the prize-giving be held in the clubhouse. The response was an immediate and dismissive "no."

Instead, the Raymond Trophy was presented to the winning Irish team in a small tent that had previously been available to those wishing to sit down while eating their lunchtime sandwiches. Sometimes, golf really is difficult to defend.

One more thing: a special award must also go to the former president of the SGU who was heard complaining loud and long that one of the home team at Muirfield was "wearing the wrong trousers." Pomposity is alive and well in amateur golf.

POSTHUMOUS AWARD FOR SELF-IMPORTANCE

When, 30 years ago, promoter David Inglis was trying to get the Australian Masters tournament off the ground , he tried to get the legendary Ben Hogan to play. Calling from Melbourne to Fort Worth in Texas, he got through to Hogan's secretary but was told the great man wasn't there.

The next morning, Inglis' phone rang at 3am. "Mr Hogan is on the line," said the voice.

"Ben!" exclaimed Inglis. Silence. Then, "It's Mr Hogan."

After Inglis outlined his proposal, Hogan turned him down flat. But a week later a letter arrived for Inglis from Hogan's office. Momentarily hopeful of a change of mind, Inglis tore it open. It was a bill for the phone call.