Stramash

YOU would think things were batty enough round Tynecastle. But it seems not.

Bat's all, folks

The Scottish National Heritage this week called for the bats who currently hang around in the Wheatfield stand to be given better roosting facilities if ever Hearts actually redevelop their stadium. The Heritage folk shouldn't stop there.

They should demand vampire bats are given perches right beside owner Vladimir Romanov's seat and allowed to sink their teeth into any nearby punters. After all, that section of the ground already provides roosting facilities for creatures sucking the life out of the support and their club.

Left back in the changing room

WHERE go the poor Gowser? A clutch of players out injured, others rested, six changes in all from the CIS Cup final winning side and still Alan Gow failed even to make the bench for Rangers' Scottish Cup tie with Partick Thistle in midweek.

Reminds me of a cruel fate that befell a friend of mine. He was the last-named, 19th player in the pool for his primary school football team which, unerringly, was drawn from the 18 boys above him. One week he thought his big chance had arrived when a flu bug counted out eight of the squad... only for the school to decline to tell him and send out a 10-player team instead. The mental scarring has never left me. I mean, never left my friend.

Look-a-likes

WHAT can we say about Eric Stolz? Why, only that his ginger-barnet-most-buffoned style from the late 1980s now lives on in the lank main of Rangers winger Chris Burke.

Eh, really?

"Following a scan Marvin Andrews has been told he requires cartilage surgery which will stop him from playing a part in Raith Rovers' bid for the Second Division play-offs. "Manager John McGlynn said: 'He's going to have to go through an operation and Marv won't feature for us again this season by the looks of things.'"
March 2008

"Marvin Andrews has reaffirmed his intention to play on indefinitely without surgery on his injured knee. The defender sustained cruciate ligament damage in a Premierleague match against Dundee at Dens Park in March but has defied medical advice, instead returning to the Rangers first team for the conclusion of the title race.

"Andrews said: 'I don't want to have the operation. I know it's hard for people to understand but God has given me strength and I am not concerned. I have my beliefs, God is in control of my life and I believe my knee will be fine.'"
May 2005